Not because she had decided.
Because she needed to know what leaving felt like once prepared.
Lucy saw the suitcase.
Her face went white.
Rose began crying immediately.
Ben disappeared.
Ethan stood frozen.
Samuel looked at the floor.
Nathan entered from outside.
Saw the bag.
Stopped.
Nobody spoke.
Clara hated them all for making this harder.
She said:
“I have not decided.”
Lucy whispered:
“People pack when they leave.”
“People also pack before deciding not to.”
“That makes no sense.”
“No.”
Clara looked toward Nathan.
He said nothing.
That irritated her.
“Aren’t you going to ask?”
His throat moved.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because if I ask you to stay because they’re frightened, then your choice stops being yours.”
Damn him.
That was exactly the right answer.
She almost wished he would make it easier by being selfish.
Ethan turned toward the door.
Clara called:
“Ethan.”
He stopped.
“You were right.”
The boy did not move.
“The first day.”
His shoulders tightened.
“I might leave.”
He turned.
His eyes were angry and wet.
“I knew.”
“No.”
Clara stepped closer.
“You knew people can leave.”
“That is different.”
He stared.
She continued:
“I cannot promise you forever after four days.”
“No honest person can.”
“Mara knew that.”
Ethan’s face changed at his mother’s name.
Clara continued:
“But I can tell you why I would leave.”
“Because of us.”
“No.”
“Because you have five children.”
“No.”
“Because Pa—”
“No.”
She looked toward Nathan.
“Your father is difficult.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“But not enough to make me cross Wyoming twice in one week.”
Samuel laughed weakly.
Clara continued:
“If I leave, it will be because I decide this life is not mine.”
“Not because any of you failed a test.”
Ethan swallowed.
“What's the difference?”
“Everything.”
She looked around.
“None of you are auditions.”
Silence.
Lucy began crying quietly.
Clara almost joined.
Instead she walked upstairs.
Closed her door.
Pulled the tin box from beneath the floor.
She had not yet told Nathan.
If she left, could she leave him without the truth?
No.
Mara had said not until Clara read it.
She had.
The rest was her choice.
She carried the box downstairs.
Nathan stood alone in the kitchen.
The children had gone outside.
Clara placed the tin on the table.
His face changed.
“What is that?”
“Your wife hid it beneath the floor of my room.”