“Good.”
“Why agree?”
He stared into coffee.
“Because I heard Brenda talked.”
Natalie smiled.
“Competitive?”
“No.”
“Maybe.”
For a while they discussed nothing important.
Then Miller asked:
“What did Sarah think of me?”
Natalie hesitated.
“I don't know everything she thought.”
“You have papers.”
“She wrote about you.”
His face tightened.
“What?”
“One sentence.”
“What?”
Natalie remembered exactly.
Miller failed before he helped. Do not confuse either fact.
She told him.
He stared.
Then nodded.
“That’s fair.”
“Do you agree?”
“Yes.”
No defense.
Natalie waited.
He continued.
“I spent years wanting cooperation to cancel first part.”
“It didn't.”
“No.”
“I told myself without me, case might have been harder.”
“Maybe true.”
“Yes.”
He looked up.
“Still not cancellation.”
“What do you regret most?”
He thought for long time.
“Signing report.”
“Not stopping cuffs?”
“That too.”
“Why report?”
“Because I had time.”
Natalie did not understand.
Miller explained.
“Roadside happened fast.”
“Not excuse.”
“But fast.”
“At station, I had time.”
“I sat at computer.”
“I knew wording was wrong.”
“I typed anyway.”
“Then printed.”
“Then read.”
“Then signed.”
He shook his head.
“That is harder to forgive in myself.”
Natalie said:
“Why did you?”
“Fear.”
“Career.”
“Ryker.”
“Habit.”
“All things Brenda said?”
“Probably.”
He smiled sadly.
“I was not unusual.”
“That is the worst part.”
Natalie asked:
“Did you see racial bias then?”
“Yes.”
“You knew?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn't you say?”
“Because saying it would make me responsible for doing something.”
Again.
Recognition versus action.
Miller took a drink.
“I used to think racist meant somebody who hated Black people.”
“Ryker would have said he didn't.”
“Maybe he didn't in his head.”
“But he believed certain people were easier to pressure.”
“More suspicious.”
“Less likely to have consequences.”
“And I participated.”
“That is enough.”
Natalie asked:
“Do you think people can change?”
Miller laughed.
“You ask everyone?”
“Maybe.”
“What answer you want?”
“None.”
He looked out window.
“I changed some.”