Three weeks after the cancelled wedding, Lily asked:
“Can I miss her?”
Daniel stopped washing dishes.
“Yes.”
“Even though she was mean?”
“Yes.”
“Do you?”
Daniel thought.
“Yes.”
Lily looked relieved.
Then started crying.
Daniel dried his hands and sat with her.
She whispered:
“I wish she was nice again.”
Daniel’s eyes filled.
“So do I.”
That was harder than hatred.
Family therapy began soon afterward.
Lily hated the first therapist.
“She talks like a teacher.”
Daniel found another.
The second had crayons and did not ask direct questions for twenty minutes.
Lily liked her.
Daniel attended some sessions.
Not all.
Lily deserved privacy even at seven.
He learned uncomfortable things.
Simone had been criticizing Lily’s appearance for nearly a year.
Not constantly.
Small comments.
“Sit like a lady.”
“Your hair looks wild.”
“Your skin is dry.”
“That dress makes you look messy.”
“You’re too old to cry.”
“Your mother probably would have wanted you to behave better.”
That last one made Daniel leave the therapy office and sit in his car for fifteen minutes.
Simone had invoked Maya.
Not often.
Enough.
Lily had not told him because Simone always wrapped the comments in correction.
And Daniel had praised Simone for “helping with routines.”
He felt nauseated remembering.
The therapist told him:
“Guilt is useful only if it changes behavior.”
So Daniel changed behavior.
He stopped asking Lily whether an adult “meant” something hurtful.
He asked what happened.
He listened before explaining.
He taught her adults could be wrong.
Including him.
He apologized specifically.
“I’m sorry I didn’t notice when Simone made comments about your hair.”
Not:
I’m sorry you felt hurt.
Not:
I’m sorry if I missed something.
Specific.
Lily asked:
“Why didn’t you notice?”
Daniel answered:
“Because I trusted her.”
“Was that bad?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“Trust is good.”
“But I should have listened better when you seemed uncomfortable.”
Lily considered.
“Can you trust somebody and still check?”
Daniel smiled sadly.
“Yes.”
“That sounds hard.”
“It is.”
Her hair grew.
For months she refused trims.