The HOA president laughed.
"We've already wasted enough time explaining the rules to him."
The second uniformed man moved toward the rear of my sedan.
I looked at him.
"Stay away from the vehicle."
The taller man stepped into my path.
"You're interfering with an enforcement action."
I took a slow breath.
"You're standing on private property without a court order or my consent."
He leaned closer.
Then he said the words that made me realize he expected this confrontation to end through fear rather than any lawful process.
"Old man, nobody is coming to help you."
I looked past him toward the street.
And saw the black SUV beneath the trees.
That's when the first shove came.
The rest happened in seconds.
The baton.
The impact against the sedan.
The HOA president smiling near the porch.
And the sudden appearance of real FBI agents who had been watching the entire encounter unfold.
By the time the wooden baton struck the concrete, the men in counterfeit uniforms knew their deception had failed.
But the federal agents were only beginning to discover how much the confrontation would reveal.
The real FBI agents moved quickly, but they didn't behave like the men who had attacked me.
The female agent kept her attention on the taller impostor while her partner instructed the second man to show his hands. Both federal agents identified themselves clearly and maintained enough distance to avoid turning an already dangerous situation into a confused struggle. The fake officer who'd struck me hesitated, looking from his fallen baton to the SUV, then toward the woman in orange as though she might somehow explain what he was supposed to do next.
She couldn't.
Her clipboard slipped from her hands and landed on the grass.
"What's going on?" she demanded.
The female federal agent looked toward her.
"Ma'am, remain where you are and keep your hands visible."
The president stared.
"Do you know who I am?"
The agent didn't change her expression.
"We'll establish everyone's identity."
The taller impostor finally began following the instructions he was given. His partner looked as though he wanted to run, but the presence of the two genuine agents and the growing number of witnesses made him reconsider. Within moments, both men had been secured while additional officers were requested through official channels.
I remained beside the sedan, holding my injured arm.