“Yes.”
The honesty stunned her more than reassurance would have.
He continued.
“I have imagined children.”
“A son trailing me around the barn.”
“A daughter terrifying every boy in the county.”
Emily managed a watery laugh.
Daniel smiled faintly.
“I imagined you teaching them to read.”
“I imagined little boots by the door.”
“I imagined plenty of things.”
His smile disappeared.
“But I imagined them with you.”
Emily stopped breathing.
Daniel looked directly into her eyes.
“If children were the first thing I wanted, I would have proposed to some twenty-year-old I barely knew five years ago.”
“I waited until I was thirty-eight because I didn't want just a wife.”
“I wanted you.”
Her fingers loosened around the blanket.
He continued softly.
“And yes.”
“Finding out that one future I imagined may not happen hurts.”
“I will not insult you by pretending otherwise.”
“But losing an imagined child and losing you are not the same loss.”
“Not even close.”
Emily covered her mouth.
Daniel looked down again, perhaps to give her privacy while she cried.
After a moment she whispered:
“You should hate me.”
“No.”
“I deceived you.”
“You were afraid.”
“That isn't excuse.”
“No.”
He nodded.
“It isn't.”
Emily stared.
Again, he refused the easy answer.
Daniel stood.
“I still think we should sleep separately tonight.”
Panic returned instantly.
“No.”
He stopped.
“I’m not punishing you.”
“I know.”
“I just don't want you lying here wondering whether I expect something.”
“I don't want you to leave.”
Daniel studied her.
“Then tell me what you want.”
Emily looked down.
No one had asked her that on a wedding night.
Her former fiancé had once spoken of marriage as though it were a list of duties.
Her aunt had told her a woman’s fear was simply something to get past.
Daniel waited as if her answer mattered.
“I want you here.”
“Where?”
She hesitated.
Then touched the far side of the mattress.
“Beside me.”
His breathing changed slightly.
“But only…”
She swallowed.
“Only sleep.”
Daniel nodded.
“Only sleep.”
“And maybe…”
“What?”
Emily flushed.
She extended one hand uncertainly.
“Could you hold my hand?”
Daniel’s face softened.
“Yes.”
He removed his boots.
Then blew out one lamp, leaving only the fire and the smaller bedside lantern.
He lay above the blanket on the far side of the bed.
Not touching her.
Emily slowly lay down too.
For several seconds they stared at the ceiling.
Then, between them, Daniel placed his hand palm upward.
Emily looked at it.
Large.
Calloused.
Still.
Waiting.
She slid her fingers into his.
Daniel closed his hand gently around hers.
Nothing else.
Emily cried again.