Then recovered.
“He’s not going to be part of our lives.”
“Our lives?”
“Yes.”
I laughed again.
“Claire, what exactly do you think is happening here?”
Her voice hardened.
“I think we have twelve years together.”
“I think our marriage was already in trouble.”
“I think I made a terrible mistake.”
“And I think we can decide whether that mistake destroys everything.”
I stared at her.
“Is the baby his?”
Claire hesitated.
Then said, “Yes.”
One word.
Certain.
No ambiguity.
“Yes.”
Something inside me went cold.
I sat again because my knees suddenly felt unreliable.
“How can you know that?”
“Timing.”
“We were together right before you left.”
“I know.”
“So how can you know?”
“I tracked everything.”
That answer should have seemed strange.
It did.
I simply did not have enough emotional distance to examine it.
Claire reached toward the test.
“You always said you wanted a family.”
I looked at her.
Her hand stopped.
“What?”
She continued carefully.
“We tried for years.”
“That has nothing to do with this.”
“It has everything to do with this.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“We lost two pregnancies.”
“Claire.”
“You wanted to be a father.”
“I wanted to be a father with my wife.”
“I am your wife.”
I stood again.
“Are you listening to yourself?”
She stood too.
“Yes.”
“I am trying to save what we still have.”
“By asking me to raise the child you conceived while cheating on me?”
“I’m asking whether our marriage means more than biology.”
My mouth actually fell open.
There are arguments so dishonest they become difficult to answer.
I stared at her for several seconds.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Turn this into a test of my character.”
Her expression changed.
Only slightly.
I noticed.
“What do you mean?”
“You cheated.”
“You are pregnant.”
“You’re refusing to tell me who the father is.”
“And now you’re trying to make the issue whether I am emotionally evolved enough to raise the baby?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to.”
Claire crossed her arms.
“I’m telling you there is a choice.”
“No.”
I shook my head.
“You already made choices.”
“This is the consequence.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“So what?”
“You’re leaving?”
“I need time.”
“No.”
Her answer came immediately.
The force of it surprised me.
“No?”
“You do not get to disappear for weeks while I sit here pregnant not knowing what you’re doing.”
I almost admired the audacity.
“You didn’t know what I was doing?”
“What about the last three weeks?”
“What about Miami?”
Her face tightened.