If My Grandchildren Remember Only a Few Things I Told Them, I Hope It’s These

Dear my grandchildren,

I hope you know how proud I am of you.

And when I say that, I don't mean only the moments when there is something obvious to celebrate.

Of course I am proud when you graduate.

When you get the job.

When you earn the promotion.

When you buy your first home, build a family, reach a goal you worked years to achieve, or finally do something you once thought was beyond you.

Those are wonderful days.

But they aren't the only days I am proud of you.

Sometimes I am proud of you when nobody else is watching.

When I see you patiently explain something to someone who is struggling.

When you make room at the table for the person who seems uncomfortable.

When you call your mother just to check on her.

When you admit you were wrong.

When you keep going through a season that has given you very little to celebrate.

Sometimes you do something small and ordinary, and suddenly I recognize something.

A gesture.

A kindness.

A stubborn bit of courage.

And for just a second, I see pieces of people who came long before you.

Maybe that is one of the unexpected gifts of becoming a grandparent.

You live long enough to watch love travel.

And you realize that perhaps the best things we leave behind are not things at all.

So if there comes a day when I cannot sit beside you and remind you of what I see when I look at you, there are a few things I hope you will remember for me.

I Hope You Remember That I Was Proud of You Before the World Applauded

The world has many ways of measuring a life.

Titles.

Degrees.

Money.

Houses.

Promotions.

Awards.

Accomplishments.

There is nothing wrong with being proud of those things.

Work hard. Build something. Chase the dreams that matter to you.

But please don't confuse achievement with worth.

Because I knew you before you had anything to prove.

I loved you before your first report card.

Before your first job.

Before anyone knew what you might become.

I loved the child who walked into my house with messy hair and an enormous story about something that happened at school.

I loved you when you won.

I loved you when you didn't.

And now that you are older, I am proud of things that may never appear on a résumé.

I am proud when life disappoints you and you remain kind.

I am proud when you could choose the easy way and quietly choose the decent one instead.

I am proud when you stand back up.

There will be seasons when the world does not applaud you.

Please don't mistake the silence for failure.

Some of the most important victories in a person's life happen without anyone clapping.

I Hope You Know That You Don't Have to Be Strong Every Day

I come from generations that sometimes treated strength as silence.

You kept going.

You did what needed to be done.

You didn't complain.

There was dignity in some of that.

But there was also pain people carried much longer than they needed to because nobody knew how to say, “I'm having a hard time.”

So I hope you inherit our strength without inheriting all of our silence.

There will be days when you are tired.

There will be years that don't turn out the way you planned.

You may lose people.

You may lose jobs.