I smiled through tears.
"Neither is Eli."
Wade looked down.
For several seconds, he struggled to speak.
Then he said, "I don't know if I can do it anymore."
My chest tightened.
"Do what?"
He looked toward the hospital.
"Walk into that room and watch him go through what she went through."
I remained silent.
Wade continued.
"Every time he laughs, I remember Lily. Every time he has a bad day, I remember the days she couldn't get out of bed."
His voice broke.
"And every time somebody tells me he's having trouble, I hear the doctors talking about her all over again."
He covered his face.
"I thought I could handle it."
I watched his shoulders tremble.
"I thought if I could make another kid smile, maybe all those memories would mean something good."
He lowered his hands.
"But sometimes I sit there watching him, and all I can think about is how scared I am."
I reached for a tissue from my pocket.
I handed it to him.
He accepted it without looking up.
"I couldn't save her," he whispered.
The words seemed to come from somewhere deep inside him.
"I was her dad. I was supposed to protect her."
I shook my head.
"Wade..."
He looked toward the little red car.
"I held her hand while she was sick. I told her stories. I made every stupid promise I could think of because I didn't know what else to do."
Tears ran through his beard.
"And none of it changed what happened."
I sat beside him, crying quietly.
For several minutes, neither of us spoke.
Then I said, "You loved her."
He closed his eyes.
"More than anything."
"I know."
He looked at me.
"You don't know what it was like."
I nodded.
"You're right."
The honesty seemed to surprise him.
I took a breath.
"I don't know what it was like to lose Lily. And I won't pretend that I do."
Wade stared at me.
I continued.
"But I know what it feels like to sit beside a child you love and be terrified that the next piece of news might change everything."
His eyes filled again.
"I know what it feels like to watch a little boy struggle and wish you could take his place."
I looked toward the hospital.
"And I know that for the past year, you've given my son something I couldn't give him by myself."
Wade shook his head.
"I just played with some cars."
"No."
My voice trembled.
"You gave him a reason to look forward to tomorrow."