It was the first new picture he had added to that space in years.
The morning of Eli's most important appointment began like every other hospital morning.
I woke tired.
I checked the time.
I looked at my son.
He was sitting against his pillows, watching a cartoon while a small blue car rested in his hand.
The medical team had arranged to discuss the latest results with me, and I had been trying not to think about the appointment for days.
Hope made me nervous.
I had spent so long preparing myself for difficult news that the possibility of good news felt almost dangerous.
I didn't want to imagine the future too vividly.
I didn't want to picture Eli running through our apartment again, only to have that image taken away.
But as I sat beside his bed, I couldn't stop wondering.
What if the treatment was working?
What if the numbers meant what the doctors hoped they meant?
What if the word I had been afraid to say aloud was finally something we could discuss?
Remission.
I stared at the clock.
Nine-forty.
Eli looked toward me.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Are you okay?"
I smiled.
"Just thinking."
He nodded.
"About racing?"
I laughed softly.
"Not exactly."
He held up the blue car.
"You can borrow Thunder."
My heart tightened.
"Thank you, baby."
He placed it in my hand.
"It's very fast."
I smiled through tears.
"I know."
At ten o'clock, Wade arrived.
He immediately noticed my expression.
"Big day?"
I nodded.
"The doctors are coming."
The biker looked toward Eli.
Then back at me.
He understood without asking.
He placed the bag of cars beside the bed.
"Then I reckon we should wait."
I shook my head.
"You don't have to."
Wade smiled faintly.
"I know."
He sat beside the bed.
Eli looked toward us.
"Are we racing?"
The biker glanced at the clock.
"Maybe after the pit inspection."
My son nodded.
"Okay."
We waited.
The doctor entered shortly after ten-thirty.
She was accompanied by another member of Eli's care team, and she carried a folder containing the latest results.
My heart began pounding.
I stood.
Wade immediately rose too.
"I can step out."
The doctor looked toward me.
I glanced at the biker.
For a moment, I considered asking him to leave.
Then I thought about the hundreds of mornings he had spent beside Eli.
The nights when he had listened to me cry.
The toys.
The races.
The little red car.
I looked at Wade.
"Would you stay?"
He stared.
"Are you sure?"