He stared at me.
I continued.
"On days when he was too tired to talk, he still wanted you there. On days when he was frightened, he knew someone would come through that door at ten o'clock and treat him like a little boy instead of a patient."
Wade lowered his gaze.
I swallowed.
"You can't control whether his treatment works. Neither can I. That's why we have doctors and nurses caring for him."
I looked at the red car.
"But you can give him something to enjoy while he's here."
Wade's shoulders shook.
"I don't want to lose him too."
The words were barely audible.
My own eyes filled.
"Neither do I."
For a while, we sat with that truth between us.
Then I placed my hand gently on the bench near his.
"You don't have to come back because you feel guilty. You don't owe us anything."
Wade looked at me.
"And you don't have to pretend Lily didn't happen."
He stared at the red car.
I continued.
"If you need time, take it. If coming back hurts too much, we'll understand."
My voice broke.
"But if there's a part of you that still wants to see Eli, please know that he loves you exactly as you are."
Wade covered his mouth.
He cried then.
Not quietly.
Not the way he had sometimes blinked back tears in Eli's room.
He cried like a father who had spent years trying to keep his grief hidden because he was afraid it would become too large for anyone else to bear.
I sat beside him.
I didn't tell him to stop.
I didn't tell him to be strong.
I simply stayed.
Eventually, he wiped his face.
He looked at the little red car.
Then toward the hospital.
"He's waiting?"
I nodded.
"Every morning."
Wade took a shaky breath.
He placed the red car carefully in his pocket.
Then he reached for his helmet.
"Ten o'clock tomorrow?"
I smiled through tears.
"Ten o'clock."
He stood.
For a moment, the enormous biker looked uncertain.
Then he nodded.
"All right."
He looked toward the windows above us.
"Tell the little man I'll be there."
I stood too.
"I will."
Wade looked down at the toy in his pocket.
Then he whispered something so softly that I almost didn't hear it.
"I hope you're okay with this, Lily."
He walked toward the parking lot.
And I remained in the courtyard, crying for a little girl whose favorite toy had become the most precious thing in her father's world.
That night, I returned to Eli's room carrying a secret I wasn't sure how to explain.