“You know what bothers me?”
“What?”
“If you weren’t you.”
Sarah looked toward the dark window.
“I know.”
“If you were some regular Black woman in a nice suit.”
“I know.”
“No helicopters.”
“No red phone.”
“No colonel showing up.”
“I know.”
Marcus’s voice softened.
“Does that scare you?”
“Yes.”
“You’re allowed to say it.”
“I did.”
“Say more.”
Sarah sighed.
“I keep wondering how many people Boone treated like that who never found the cabinet.”
Marcus waited.
“And?”
“And I feel guilty.”
“For having rank?”
“For being believed quickly.”
Her brother was quiet for several seconds.
Then:
“That is stupid.”
Sarah laughed despite herself.
“Thank you.”
“No, seriously.”
He continued.
“You didn’t steal belief from those people.”
“You used the belief you got to open a door.”
“That matters.”
Sarah stared at the untouched tea.
“What if the door closes after me?”
“Then keep it open.”
Simple.
Annoying.
Useful.
“Mom definitely trained you.”
“I’m her favorite.”
“No.”
“You’re just jealous.”
Sarah smiled.
Then the smile faded.
“Marcus.”
“Yeah?”
“I was scared.”
“I know.”
“How?”
“Because you’re my sister.”
He paused.
“And because nobody who wasn’t scared would remember exactly how the property tray sounded when the phone hit it.”
Sarah closed her eyes.
CLANG.
She still heard it sometimes.
Metal on metal.
The moment she realized the secure phone had left her control.
Not fear of classified material.
The device was hardened.
Fear of losing the one tool that connected her to people outside Boone’s room.
For several seconds after he threw it away, Sarah had been simply a cuffed woman surrounded by strangers loyal to the man in front of her.
The helicopters had come later.
Fear came first.
Therapy began the following week.
Sarah did not want it.
Army policy strongly encouraged post-incident behavioral health support.
Rebecca personally scheduled the appointment.
Sarah threatened to transfer her.
Rebecca reminded her she was already eligible for promotion elsewhere.
Sarah went.
The therapist was a retired Army psychologist named Dr. Helen Morris.
She did not appear impressed by stars.
Good.
“What bothers you most?”
Sarah answered:
“The coverage.”
“Not the arrest?”
“The arrest too.”
“Why coverage?”
“They call me fearless.”
Dr. Morris waited.
Sarah continued.
“I wasn’t.”
“Do you want them to know?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a general.”
The therapist leaned back.
“Generals cannot be afraid?”
“They can.”
“Then?”
Sarah frowned.
“People rely on us.”
“Does fear make you unreliable?”
“No.”